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Blogging for LGBT Families: Alisha from Blahyaya.com

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These are my thoughts, yo.

Blogging for LGBT Families: Alisha from Blahyaya.com

jasmine banks

Blogging-for-LGBT-Families-2010.jpg

The "controversy" over LGBT rights has always baffled me. I mean, even *that* sentence. How can you have a controversy over someone's RIGHTS??!! Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered individuals are doing the same things other people are doing. They are going to work, building families, learning to love themselves and others... except they are facing EXTREME challenges and stereotypes that color even how they are allowed to express their love to one another. Years ago it was illegal for my parents to be married. Blacks and Whites didn't mix and there were social, religious, and political reasons to back them up. All of those social, religious, and political reasons were wrong- just as today, they are wrong about the LGBT's.

Alisha is a member of the LGBT community. She blogs over at blahyaya.com and is a pretty amazing human being. If you don't know anyone from the LGBT community or struggle to understand what the community is about, let Alisha be your candle. She is a typical person with the same problem that many women, both heterosexual and otherwise, share. She wants to have a baby. Here is her story, told in her words. Get to know her:

" from the very beginning of our relationship, m and i knew that our dreams and goals and the life we wanted to live were in line with each other. we both put family first. we are both invested in her business and my career equally. we both value travel. and we both want to have children and raise a family together. we knew that it would not be as easy as other couples. we are lesbians living our life in extreme rural alabama.

when we came out, it was after over a year of talking, me moving 2 hours away for us both to get perspective, talking with our families and m's business partner. it was a big decision, but ultimately the right one for us. we have been so very fortunate, with very little resistance and a lot of acceptance from our entire community.

we had been living together about a year and a half when we decided that it was time to really investigate our options for having children. we planned the big first month for january 2010. something much larger than us had other plans, and in august of 2009 we were in a horrific car accident that resulted in m becoming a t12 paraplegic.

one of the first meltdowns i had in those early days was the 3rd day after the accident. m's parents and her sister and i had to apply for temporary housing near the hospital and on the way back we stopped in the gift shop. the world fell out from underneath me as i stopped in front of the new baby wall. i crumpled. m's sweet sister caught me and knew instantly what had hit me. she just kept repeating over and over that we would still have that sweet baby. i'm glad i believed her.

fast forward another year, to august 2010. we've picked the donor, who we like to refer to as "el papa congelado" (the frozen daddy). we've consulted with a physician. we've got a plan. i've weaned off any potentially harmful medication...and that's where it gets rough! oh my dear goodness the pain, the anxiety, the slam of depression was almost unbearable. the only thing that got me through was the dream of the end result: our baby.

but then month after month, our baby didn't come. 6 months. 2 doctors. 1 monthly fertility medication. 1432 near nervous breakdowns. 23 negative pregnancy tests. 2 very brokenhearted mommys-to-be.

february was our last attempt. in march we decided that it was time for a break. my body and mind and our relationship needed a breather. so that's where we are now. we have a plan again, we will start back in september re-newed. i am trying to lose some pounds to see if that will help us. we know so many people that have endured so very much in their journey of infertility, and our hearts are always with them. we know there are other options available, and we know if and when the time is right we will explore them. we will keep hoping and talking about our child(ren) every day. we know without a shadow of a doubt that he or she is there, our little shining light, waiting for their own right time. Β and we love them so very much.

i wrote this post in support of the 6th annual blogging for lgbt families day. my hope is that it conveys to all who read it our love and life and our sameness to any other family hoping for children. i hope that if you don't yet have one, we can be your voice and face for lgbt families. we are just like you. we pay the mortgage, we drive to work, we strive to be good and decent and fair people. we love, we lose, we overcome tragedy. it is not a question of whether we are fit to be parents, it is only a question of overcoming stigma and prejudice and fear. and don't we all know that love comquers all?

thank you to the brokins for allowing me their space in the inter-world to share this with you. you guys are rockstars!"