I am not the extra mushy gushy kind of girl. I am not even the girl that gets unusually worked up about cry cry movies (and pregnant crying and watching "The Secret Life of Bees" SO doesn't count!). I will sit in a crowd of people telling tales of dying puppies and broken rainbows and how unicorns don't exist and mentally begin to alphabetize books on my bookshelf- because I WILL NOT JOIN YOUR CRYFEST SO STOP IT. So maybe these factors are why I can't STAND the Delilah Radio Show. Seriously. I grip the stirring wheel and scream at the radio. And. Yet. I STILL listen to the show... insanity, I know.
The other night, Delilah was especially
evoking my puke response annoying with her noxiously silky smooth voice, pontificating about love and life and "finding the man you deserve." This listener was elated to have gotten through on the line: "Delilah," she breathed into the phone, "I am heartbroken, because I am looking for my perfect partner... I have been waiting and I am still waiting. I know he is out there." This was the gist of the storyline. Delilah swooped in, in classic Delilah style and noted that ONE day... ONNNNE day, Desperate in Love Caller would find Mister Right. He would love her and care for her and hold her and cook her breakfast and .... shut. the. hell. up. Delilah!
I must admit. I am a little jaded about love and marriage- I think being married to a real person does that to people... but my dark dark cold heart aside, I wanted to appeal to something else. That something is the importance that instead of looking for the "perfect" partner, instead of turning outward and placing all of these extreme expectations on a mythical someone...why don't we focus on being the partner we want to have.
This is inner child work, y'all. This is the place where you realize that the perfect lover is you. YOU can romance yourself, you can meet your needs, you can hold yourself when you are afraid. You can take yourself on the perfect date. Care for yourself in ways you've imagined some perfect partner caring for you. YOU are the perfect partner.
Stop waiting around to find what you need in someone else. Learn to get it from yourself.
I mean, I understand and respect that Delilah couldn't very well pitch that ideal on the radio. People tune in to listen to Edwin McCain, that god awful one-hit-wonder, and collectively sigh at windswept ideas of love and lost romance. But the recovering Codependent in me was all, "No that bitch didn't"... when she encouraged Desperate in Love Caller to hold out for the "Mr. Perfect for her".
I was never the "I can't eat when he is away kind of girl." I ACTUALLY think that is indicative of a serious mental pathology...but I was the "waiting for Mister Right" kind of girl and what I have learned is this:
NO ONE and NOTHING (not your momma, daddy, husband, kids, Oprah, chocolate cake, Jesus, The Real Housewives, shopping, sex, school, or the perfect souffle) can fill the empty places in your heart but Y-O-U. Is that complete blasphemy? Maybe, I guess... since Oprah and Jesus are arm wrestling for perfection and being our all-in-all.
What I am trying to say is
Stop projecting your needs onto other people, places, and things. We should be WHOLE people before we marry. And that two become one bull is for the birds! That is a prescription for lost identities and codependent dysfunction.
For real. Love yourself first before you expect anyone else to love you.