I am feeling very raw. When you use food to cope, like I have, and then the foods you used to cope are taken away.... well.... that leaves a pretty raw and vulnerable person. SO I've cried a lot today. I am most concerned about the fact that I have been overwhelmed with so many things that were buried that coming home tomorrow looks a lot like coming home with a loaded gun. When I experienced those things in the past, those frightening emotions I coped with by eating. What I've learned in a week has been utterly AMAZING, but what I've practiced in a safe environment in a week will not be enough to see me through the frightening realities of facing trauma that was buried by food. Rock.
There is a difference between learning something and practicing it. Practice. practice.
I was a bit naive about what this experience would be. As it turns out is has been one of the most formative weeks of my life. I wish that was hyperbole, but it isn't.
It is snowing here, and I am crying again. I feel a mix of hope and joy, anger and deep pain, grief and confusion.
What matters most is that I am growing. I am putting one foot in front of the other. Being gentle with yourself is a difficult task.