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Gifts For Expectant Fathers: Go Tacky or Go Home!

jasmine banks

All Fathers need to be celebrated on Father's Day and Beyond! Do you know of a man about to welcome a kiddo into the world? Is he blissfully ignorant of the Chuck Norris style ass kicking that will ensue when this new person arrives? Fatherhood is difficult! Give him a dose of humor and some preparation in the form of a snazzy gift! Here are some of MY suggestions:  


Daddy's Fastest Swimmer

What man doesn't want a T-shirt, for his child, that proclaims the strength of his progeny!? I mean, children are walking signposts that remind society, "Hey... My dad has strong sperm! Check me out!" What better way to say that then on a comfy Onesie for Dad's champion swimmer!







The Goodfather!

This CD-ROM teaches fathering skills... mobster style. Teach your expectant Dad, Vinny, how to appropriately extort the children, how to make sure they don't rat, and how to walk away from a job clean. This program has diagrams, baby names, and tips and definitions!







Parenting is an egalitarian venture. That being said, Dads seem to have an extra strong to aversion to all things "child poop" related. *RANT: Um, Because WHAT?! Moms don't!? IS there some unspoken clause in Fatherhood that renders a man must walk stiff armed holding out infant to place in Mom's arms... for nothing more that a diaper change? UM. HELL TO THE NAH... DAD changes diapers TOO! This is a two person endevour! END RANT*

Equip your expectant Father with this awesome apron and gear. He will thank you when junior feels the cool breeze across his bum and decides to show dad his pee skillz!




Once you become parents there is plenty you'll disagree about... settle the disputes with The Wheel of Responsibility, instead of hot grease, roundhouse kicks to the head and verbal assaults. Whose turn to do the puke filled baby laundry? Take it to the wheel! Who has to stay awake to attempt to muffle the screams of whatever your precious newborn turned into? Take it to the wheel! Even settle the age old debate of who gave the child THAT annoying genetic trait! One quick spin and responsibility is assigned.




These are my favorite four expectant Father gifts. Click the pictures to navigate to where you can buy them. And remember... having children is nearly impossible without a great sense of humor. I mean, what else can you do but laugh when they strip down naked in public and you have to chase them all over the flippin' grocery store while they scream "I am a penis STUPER HERO!" I mean, not that I know anyone who has had that happen, or anything...