This post was originally posted May 9th, 2011
I spent Mother's Day being, well, a mother. No simple task, by any means... Before the day was over I wanted to take a moment to mourn with those who mourn. I have met so many people who were raised for whatever reason by moms who weren't willing to mother. There are never simple answers to most stories, and the reasons why these women caused so much pain aren't either/or answers. Most people hurt because they are deeply hurt. One woman has a mom who was bipolar and unable to get well enough to raise her. One woman has a mom who was destroyed by her past of sexual abuse that she was unable to be present with her children. One mom walked out on her 3 year old daughter. One woman was so preoccupied with finding a man, a woman, a someone to complete her that her children went unnoticed. Another woman struggled to live up the dreams her mother was trying to live through her. And there are so many others... so many other people, women, who have survived damaged and failed motherhood.
It doesn't have to end in tragedy. Those experiences don't have to just be painful scars on your journey. Those experiences CAN be redeemed.
If you choose to become a mother you can choose to heal from your past, you can choose to not repeat the cycle. If you have a mental illness you can get serious about it, get help, not make your children responsible for you. Good mothers aren't perfect. Good mothers are damaged goods, sometimes.
So today I am filled with joy because I am a mother to two THREE amazing kids AND I am mourning with those who mourn because they went without a mother. They went without someone to teach them how to embrace their identity, comb their hair, laugh with them, remind them that they are uniquely made. For them, reminiscing on Mother's day, even if they are mothers themselves, is a bittersweet and difficult day. There is a balm for their souls out there... I am hopeful they will find healing.