Relationships are hard. Even the relationships that are easy going can be confusing and hard to navigate. We are all people with wounds and baggage. So what happens when it is time to move on from a relationship? Do you stay or do you go? If you were a child who was abandoned, it might be hard to leave. You might find yourself fearful of facing more loss and grief. We find ourselves clinging to expectations or hopes of what we want from the dead relationships instead of seeing the relationships as they really are. Adults who still carry significant wounds might even have convinced themselves that they aren't worthy of better. You reason and rationalize abuse in your relationships. We make excuses for the ways that others aren't holding up their end of the relationship bargain. We've internalized those abusive voices from the past and they've become our own. Sometimes it isn't about dysfunction and abuse. Sometimes our relationships simply stop being what we want, yet we stay. We continue because of the Tyranny of the Should. " A good person should do_____________." We stay because we are convinced we are greedy, not working hard enough, or our expectations are too high. There are times that we've just settled into a groove and we don't want to expend the energy to catalyze change. Is that the life you want? Settling can be okay, if it is what you need [in the moment]. Settling, though, isn't a posture to live our lives in... it sends the message that that your value is low. That isn't true, you have infinite worth.
There are other times that we need to linger in dead relationships because we need time to gather ourselves. We need to plan and prepare. This is a form of self-care that you should grant yourself if changes, even good ones, can unravel you. You will know when it is time and when it is time you will trust yourself to make a choice that honors you.
It isn't unusual to feel rudderless when changes are on the horizon. Even people who don't have baggage (I don't know any, but if you find them I'd like to interview them!) struggle through transitions.
Today, if you are facing relationships that you need to shed in order to choose yourself, my hope is that you'll be gentle with yourself. I hope that you'll believe that you can trust yourself on your own path. I hope you'll believe you'll love again, know the comfort of a friend again, trust again. You can trust yourself. You matter that much.
Say goodbye to friends who aren't truly your friends
Say goodbye to lovers who don't truly love
Say goodbye to the belief that you aren't strong enough for the changes that face you.