I am an adult who was once an abandoned child. I've talked about it in this space before, but I've never talked about how hard happy times can be for me. People tend to forget that children with difficult childhoods grow up to be adults. Adulthood doesn't automatically emancipate us from our suffering. Once you are in the adult world, people expect you to act a certain way. It can be hard. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Depression are real things that really impact daily life. Some of us are always waiting for the next shoes to drop...No one tells you how to experience the days in our society that are supposed to be about joy and happiness and all things merry. I've practiced, over the years, learning how to play and cut loose. Once I even danced on a table while drinking wine straight from the bottle. Another story for another time.
One thing I've always appreciated about my family is that (for the most part) they let me be me. This Christmas was covered in a layer of sadness for me, but I was still able to embrace my family and be deeply thankful for unity and the road to healing. Our family is changing and transforming and adding and rearranging. Change is always hard and love, in spite of wounds, is even harder. It is so worth it, though, y'all.
I hope you were able to also find moments of joy in your holiday celebrations. <3