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These are my thoughts, yo.

Potty Training a Girl: The Perch & Poop

jasmine banks

I have really bad mommy moments. You know, the kind where you don't behave as a parent should merely because you don't want to? Those kind. The other day I was getting ready to head to class. I was preoccupied with fixing my hair. It takes concentration to tame this fro. Trust! Addison waddled her cute self into the bathroom, signed to me (her daddy is teaching her sign language) that she needed to go potty and then pulled at her diaper. I swiftly took off her diaper and helped her onto the tiny potty. She did her business and I continued to attempt to shape my coif into something that didn't look like Don King.


After Addison pulled herself off of her practice potty  she began stomping her foot and point to the large toilet. The lid was closed, and she has an affinity for toilet water, so I told her no. "Addy, you CANNOT play in toilet water. YUCKY!" Indignant and prepared to get the job done herself she pulled her brothers step stool over and climbed up, victoriously, on the toilet. I looked over. "Oh... I understand you want to sit and watch mommy..." I guess I can be conceited at times. I mean, it TOTALLY made sense that she just wanted to sit atop the toilet and watch me do my hair *crickets*

I was all extra involved trying to push back my Medusa like tendrals when I glanced over at Addison. She was fussing. SHE had NOT climbed up to watch me fix my hair. She HAD, indeed, wanted to be on the toilet because she apparently prefers to place her bowel movements in, who'da thunk it, the adult toilet. My precious little one climbed atop the toilet to pop a squat. Nestled between her cute and undefiled toes was well... YOU KNOW. A piece of SHIT.

I mean, I am not trying to be indelicate..... but what does one do when such events have taken place? LOOK at her... LOOK at this tiny cuteness of a squidge.

Does THAT precious innocent face look like the kind of face that would climb on top of a toilet, pop a squat all Prison Break style, and drop an unmentionable? Don't be fooled... THAT face is indeed the kind.

So I helped her off the toilet, wiped her off, and cleaned up her mess. She said, "Tant Too" and waved goodbye to me as she walked out of the bathroom. I learned a good lesson that day: "Pay attention to your friggin' kid. Lest you be forced to clean a nice steamy one off the top of the toilet."