Project Totus has been an interesting experience. The increased sense of awareness that comes with truly making sound choices for yourself can be overwhelming. I am still riding my bike, learning about nutrition (how to appropriately feed my body), and what circumstances trigger disordered eating. Learning to be healthy at every size is a tricky tricky practice. The reality is that if you are interested in living a healthy lifestyle it means paying attention to your body. Paying attention to your body can quickly become over focused on being "slim" or "skinny". That isn't the point of living "whole", though. In this body obsessed culture, with very few actually living in their bodies, it is a difficult line to tow. It seems most people in our society are trying to escape in some capacity. So I am working. Chuggin' along. Being honest. Being vulnerable. Learning that my body can be trusted. I can be trusted.
During week 5 of Project Totus a Facebook note circulated the feeds. I am sure, if you spent any amount of time on Facebook you would know what I am talking about. The "Mermaid/Whale" story with the picture of the beautiful French model... yeah. That one. My reaction to it was interesting. I didn't feel indignant or empowered. I felt mostly sad. The reality is... most people that are overweight are overweight because of poor choices they have made for their bodies. Very few people groups are genetically large. Those that are live on foods like rice and fish and vegetables and still grow large. Others were inundated with Western food and transformed their wastelines. Physical girth does not always equal health or fitness or pathology- but those examples are not the status quo. The reality is that the status quo in the United States is a sad story of millions of people eating non-food items and food stuff to fill up. We have moved away from whole nourishing foods that represent the best of what we can give ourselves to something other. While the model was beautiful, I was not moved by the story. I am her size and I know why I got to this size: Feeding my hungry heart, not my hungry body. So now I confront my emotions without food and eat only when I am truly, physically, hungry.
Here is what my progress looks like so far-
Laurie Marshall articulates EXACTLY how I felt about the Facebook note over at the NWAMOTHERLODE. Check it out.