Have you ever had a shooting pain in your vagina? There are such gross things that happen during pregnancy that no one talks about. Everyone talks about the miracle of feeling a baby kick, the pregnancy glow, they'll even complain about heartburn. You know, all those PG things that happen. But how many of us need to get honest about the realities of OUR pregnancies? Like finding the mucus plug for the first time or how awesome it is to not be able to poop for a week, and what happens when you finally do (OUCH!)
About the same time during each of my pregnancies I have experienced this
damn annoying awesome sensation: Round ligament pain. Typically round ligament pain is that lightening jolt twinge that you feel in your abdomen when you move too quickly or, in my case, breath. It usually makes you grab your side and shriek and your husband scream, "Oh my God! Has your water broken!!" Round ligament pain is just a product of your body adjusting to your ever expanding uterus. These ligaments anchor your uterus, lest it float off... or something.
Did you know that you have the same type of ligaments in your pelvic area? Did you know that you can experience the same lightening bolt shots of pain when walking, IN YOUR VULVA AREA? I am not a total freak of nature, I googled it. Turns out, your pelvic region stretches out the same way that the rest of your body does and that can sometimes result in an "achey vagina" feeling. So when I lift my leg to get out of bed I get a shooting pain that originates in my Vulva and paralyzes my body. This is typically accompanied with me screaming, "Sweet baby Jesus OUUUUUUUCH!" There is really little that can be done. All that Relaxin (a hormone that relaxes a pregnant woman's body so she can spread out) is doing its job, and it won't stop till Baby Tobias has made his way here...
The most inconvenient experience, thus far, has been walking in public.
*Scene: I am pushing a cart with both kiddos. Addison is squawking and Isaiah is pointing to numbers in the store. I raise my right leg to place it on the bar of the shopping cart as I am browsing the shelf. As I raise my leg, a massive shooting pain hits me in the vagina. I GRAB my vulva, DOUBLE over, and squeal, "GAAAAWD!" The elderly man next too me stares at me in utter confusion. I stand myself up, still holding my vulva, and nervously giggle, "sorry, attack of the vagina." *End Scene.
Listen. I KNOW that was probably the worst, most awkward thing to say to this lovely elderly man. I know I probably frightened him. I was in pain and not really thinking clear. It was a weak attempt at trying to explain why I was acting like a total nutball just holding my vulva and screaming in the aisle.
But when the pain appears, you don't really think that clearly. "Sorry, attack of the vagina."