On the outside I am effusive and drawn to communication. I am open and I am warm. If you asked those who know me best, however, they would say that I live on the inside. This might come as shock to those who interact with me in the outer circles of my life. I am an emotional unicorn. I am all of those sparkly and shiny things...until it comes to expressing the deepest tender places I hide. I've been hurt in such a way in the past that I was almost destroyed. Make no mistake. We should hide these places from most people. We can't walk around without skin and not every person is worthy or safe for such disclosures. I used to think because you were human and I was human we deserved the honor of each other's deepest places. Sparkly and naive. I think I still am in many ways. That thing, though, where I used to believe that everyone had the best intentions... well. That is a dangerous lie. Not everyone deserves those sacred spaces. Some people come to steal the life from you. Do you remember that scene where Voldemort was wasting away and in dire need of life? He drank unicorn blood in order to sustain himself. He needed the unicorn blood in order to give himself something he didn't have, and as a result had to take more which resulted in the unicorn's death. "The blood of a unicorn will keep you alive, even if you are an inch from death, but at a terrible price. You have slain something pure and defenseless to save yourself, and you will have but a half-life, a cursed life, from the moment the blood touches your lips." I don't know how pure and defenseless I am, but my belief in the goodness of humanity certainly was. My relationships were just like that: people sucking that life-giving stuff out of me. I'd never realize it until I couldn't stand up. Something, someone, had been siphoning off my lifeblood and I was wasting away. I've slowly-slowly- slowly learned how to spot the Voldemort and run my unicorn ass the opposite direction. My therapist keeps telling me that I KNOW how to spot them, I just have to learn how to disarm that belief that tries to override my intuition. "All people are good at their core and strive toward love and connection, Jazz," I'll think to myself. "You are just being suspicious. Give that person a chance. If anything YOU are the one who will be bad. Everyone is good, but you, you are probably the dysfunctional one." That is the fucked up unicorn inner monologue.
So you learn and re-learn how to assess emotional threats and danger. You hope, this once, you won't end up on the floor of the Forbidden Forest being drained by yet another Voldemort.