Let us pretend that my blood sugar levels are too low, and this is like that scene in Steel Magnolias where Shelby is gettin' here hair did and gets all batty and mean then they give her orange juice and she cries with remorse that she was so mean and messed up her bouffant *Inhale* and that I don't mean the things I say because I am a helpless diabetic who is having a moment.... READY? Annnnnnnnnd SCENE: I am sure readers are tired about hearing about my vagina. I'd say you just better just change your browsers because there shall be more lady part talking before this baby makes his triumphant delivery down the 'ole girl tube.
For serious. My vagina hurts.Stretchy and crampy and pain-y... this is my least favorite part of pregnancy.
AND. Annnnnnd. At my last prenatal appointment with my midwife there was all this chatter about the fact that I was measuring WAY larger than I was typically supposed to. That could mean several things. It could mean this is a Gigantor baby or I could have gestational diabetes. Sweet awesome. This baby is the finale, so I just decided to rock it out with the most uncomfortable pregnancy experience ever. So I put the kibosh on the extra sugar in my diet, even my precious agave nectar and regional honey, and have been extra protein focused. My midwife smiled at me hopefully, "I am not worried, the woman's body is made to accommodate a ten pound baby easily."
My dear midwife KNOWS that Isaiah was 6lbs 50z and Addison was a mere squeak of 5lbs 6oz... so a TEN pound baby? A TEEEEEN pound baby would be like me giving birth to twins, because historically my babies are precious tiny small sack of sugar babies. God (or whoever) help me if I have a ten pound baby. I know, I think, it isn't THAT bad. I have several friends who home birthed babies ten pounds and bigger... that is just not the kind of action I was looking for. An eight pound baby seems big to me. I am lighting incenses now, praying to the Buddha head on my book shelf, tithing to the local Baptist church, and wearing my special Mormon underwear in hopes SOMEONE will hear my prayer and let my baby not be born a toddler.
*disclaimer: I understand that gestational diabetes can be serious, although I believe it is primarily diet related. I understand it could cause issues with Tobias, I am not taking it lightly... I am venting. Stop taking yourself so seriously people!